Years ago I gave a Catholic lecture tour of parts of Australia.
In Sydney I noticed something I had not seen before. Every 5 blocks or so would be a house with a big sign on it SAFE HOUSE. This was so that kids walking around could run in if they were being followed by some dangerous person!
Thinking about the problems in our Church, this image came to mind, I think from Jesus, that we, the faithful Catholics are sort of “safe houses” for others as we undergo the Tribulation and the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart.
To be a sort of safe house in the tribulation and the Immaculate Heart OR MARY’S IMMACULATE HEART AS OUR SAFE HOUSE.
To be a sort of safe house in the tribulation and the Immaculate Heart OR MARY’S IMMACULATE HEART AS OUR SAFE HOUSE.
When I first came to live here in Corpus Christi, living so much alone after being in the dorm of Holy Apostles College and Seminary, I had the grace of conversations throughout the day and, sometimes, in the night with Jesus. Then this began to taper off. I asked Jesus if there was a reason. He seemed to reply: I do not talk to you so much because I want to bring you to wordless union with Me – not even too many thoughts in your mind. Sing, as you will in heaven.
Here is the introduction to a new book I am working on with Al Hughes – pray for it, please, even if you are not yet 80 or beyond.
What Now?
A Pilgrim’s Roadmap for 80 Year-old’s and Beyond
by
Ronda Chervin, Ph.D.
Professor of Philosophy
and
Albert Hughes, Lt Colonel United States Air Force Pastoral Counselor and Spiritual Director
copyright, Chervin May, 2018
(for dedication page:
for my twin-sister, Carla, with love, Ronda
for Shannon, Katie and Martha with love, Al)
Contents
Introduction
Sorting out one’s Life
What were my dreams?
Where did I succeed?
Where did I fail?
What now?
New Crosses:
Pain and fear of worse pain and/or total disability
Left behind by loved persons dying first
Being ignored by younger adults
Anxiety about living situations now and later
Limitations of 80 Year-old’s
Capabilities of 80 Year-old’s
God’s Call Now
Am I Ready for the Last Journey?
The Journey Home
Introduction
by Ronda
“Our span is seventy years, or eighty for those who are strong.” (Psalm 90
The purpose of this roadmap is to provide Christian insight and inspiration to those 80 years or older.
Until I reached the age of 80, I thought that there was no need for such insight and inspiration at such a time in life. I pictured myself a shut-in living in a bed, heavily sedated with pain-killers, but with my soul soaring into eternity!
However, now at 81, happening to know still highly functioning 90 year-old’s, I realize it isn’t quite so simple.
What now? A Pilgrim’s Roadmap for 80 Year-old and Beyond began, really, when I started inserting insights and inspirations into my Blog (seegoodbooksmedia.com for RondaView).
Develop the themes into a book? Well, I did write just such a book when I was 60 years old, entitled Meeting Christ in the Joys and Sufferings of Aging. But 60 is nothing like 80!
Talking about the idea of such a book with Al Hughes, he came up with a title and chapters immediately.
“Why don’t you write it with me?” I begged. After all, you are pushing 80, too!”
We had recently finished writing 2 books together: Escaping Anxiety along the Road to Spiritual Joy and Simple Holiness: A Six Week Walk on the Mountain of God, both published by Enroute Books and Media.
He said, “Yes.”
As I begin writing What Now? A Pilgrim’s Roadmap for 80 Year-old’s, here is my life-situation. I am alone, a widow dedicated to Christ, residing in a beautiful apartment on the Bay of Corpus Christi, Texas.
Retired! This is after 8 years at Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, where I taught philosophy and saw a hundred people every day at the 3 meals provided in the cafeteria.
I retired just before my 80th birthday. I would surely, finally, become a true contemplative and even, if God so willed, a Catholic mystic, levitating to the ceiling of the Church.
Instead, after a year and a half of living alone, even though Jesus speaks to me in my heart, I find myself lonely and restless. “Me, myself, and I” are not my favorite human company!
Every day I go to Holy Mass, spend an hour in silent prayer, love to recite the rosary, read the Liturgy of the Hours, and chat on my family’s facebook. Some days of each week I volunteer at the parish office, teach a few small groups, visit with my spiritual director, Al Hughes, and other friends. But still there are hours and hours of time with nothing to do!
Why not work on one final book?
Before going on to Al’s introduction, I think it would be good for me to call to mind some of the good “models” I have of 80 year-old’s among my family and friends.
My father, who died in his late 80’s, was still doing writing up to the last 5 years of his life. Ralph De Sola was the author of many books, the most important of which was the standard Abbreviations Dictionary, updated every few years, available in public libraries.
He owned a beautiful house in San Diego, California, with Spanish-American decor and large maps and pictures on the walls. Since he hating seeing relatives and friends fighting over legacies after people’s deaths, he devised this helpful custom. For years before his death, when anyone came to visit he asked them which of the pictures, furniture, and books they wanted the most. Then he appended to these selections the name of the person they would be given to after his death by his executor. It worked. No fights.
When my mother, Helen Winner De Sola, who was separated from my father in their 50’s, turned 80 she had already made a transition from apartment living to a beautiful assisted living apartment building overlooking the Pacific Ocean. But, then, due to greater dementia, she moved into a convalescent home, and finally to a room in our house with a live-in attendant.
Looking back, I realize she is a model for me of prudence in that she saved enough money from various editing jobs and social security to be able to live in such lovely surroundings at the end of her life.
She was also a model of humor and courage. Examples of humor: in the hospital after colon cancer surgery, I came to visit her and tremulously asked her how she felt. “Well, the nurses aren’t very interesting to talk to!” she remarked, characteristic of her being such a conversationalist all her life.
Another I will never forget is my mother in a wheel chair in our living room bumping into the stroller of my grand-daughter.
“How do you like your first grand-daughter?” I asked her.
“We have a lot in common. We’re both bored to death here!”
But the most wonderful part was the last months of her life when she was on a feeding tube. The Medicare group that sent out attendants chose for her a Philippino nurse who had trained under Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s Sisters.
Instead of focusing on my mother’s hygienic needs, she sat by her side all day leading her in childish charismatic songs of a type that before this my mother would have scorned as sentimental drivel. So, I would find them clapping their hands and singing: “Now we’re going to go to our Father’s house where’s there’s joy, joy, joy!”
The aspect of my mother’s ‘80’s that impresses me the most is that even in the last year one could still exhibit the good personality traits that were always there, such as prudence and humor. And, that God could find some absolutely unpredictable way to reach us even on our death-beds.
______________________________
I like to think of the account my old friend, Alice Von Hildebrand, gives of the deathbed of her famous husband, Dietrich Von Hildebrand. “As he lay dying he prayed over and over again, “Christ, bid me come unto Thee!”
It seemed to me so touching that this renowned Catholic philosopher, at the end had only one wish, not to enunciate an unforgettable truth, but to beg our personal Savior to come to him.
My god-mother, Leni Schwarz, was a loving, very helping woman, but also tense and easily upset when frustrated. It was a marvel to me to hear that when she was finally in a convalescent home with no duties, she became radiantly peaceful.
Myself a loving but also very tense, easily irritated woman, I thought that, possibly, I would become finally peaceful when I had nothing to do but pray and praise.
_________________________
Another 80 year old: when I was in my late ‘60’s, after Holy Mass friends used to bring me sometimes to visit this old, old, woman who lived on the same street as the Church. Although pretty much a shut-in, she was always beaming with joy. “She has a grateful heart,” were the words a friend used to explain it!
I find that any day I devote to thanksgiving for every good thing in my life, all the way down to toilet paper, is a day that is joyful.
_____________________
When I was a new convert and age 23, I was brought to see an old dying holy woman. Her name was Marguerite Solbrig. She was the founder of a lay community. I only saw her for 10 minutes. There was a bed with covers and all I could see was the face of this woman. Her large brown eyes were glowing with mingled suffering and joy as she looked at me with love.
I will never forget that look.
Now, at an age closer to hers, I am thinking: We shouldn’t think that our life on earth is over if we can’t do our usual work in the world or in the Church. With one look of love, if we truly live in the depth of the heart of Jesus, we could do something intensely meaningful for another person.
Here is the introduction to a new book I am working on with Al Hughes – pray for it, please, even if you are not yet 80 or beyond.
What Now?
A Pilgrim’s Roadmap for 80 Year-old’s and Beyond
by
Ronda Chervin, Ph.D.
Professor of Philosophy
and
Albert Hughes, Lt Colonel United States Air Force Pastoral Counselor and Spiritual Director
copyright, Chervin May, 2018
(for dedication page:
for my twin-sister, Carla, with love, Ronda
for Shannon, Katie and Martha with love, Al)
Contents
Introduction
Sorting out one’s Life
What were my dreams?
Where did I succeed?
Where did I fail?
What now?
New Crosses:
Pain and fear of worse pain and/or total disability
Left behind by loved persons dying first
Being ignored by younger adults
Anxiety about living situations now and later
Limitations of 80 Year-old’s
Capabilities of 80 Year-old’s
God’s Call Now
Am I Ready for the Last Journey?
The Journey Home
Introduction
by Ronda
“Our span is seventy years, or eighty for those who are strong.” (Psalm 90
The purpose of this roadmap is to provide Christian insight and inspiration to those 80 years or older.
Until I reached the age of 80, I thought that there was no need for such insight and inspiration at such a time in life. I pictured myself a shut-in living in a bed, heavily sedated with pain-killers, but with my soul soaring into eternity!
However, now at 81, happening to know still highly functioning 90 year-old’s, I realize it isn’t quite so simple.
What now? A Pilgrim’s Roadmap for 80 Year-old and Beyond began, really, when I started inserting insights and inspirations into my Blog (seegoodbooksmedia.com for RondaView).
Develop the themes into a book? Well, I did write just such a book when I was 60 years old, entitled Meeting Christ in the Joys and Sufferings of Aging. But 60 is nothing like 80!
Talking about the idea of such a book with Al Hughes, he came up with a title and chapters immediately.
“Why don’t you write it with me?” I begged. After all, you are pushing 80, too!”
We had recently finished writing 2 books together: Escaping Anxiety along the Road to Spiritual Joy and Simple Holiness: A Six Week Walk on the Mountain of God, both published by Enroute Books and Media.
He said, “Yes.”
As I begin writing What Now? A Pilgrim’s Roadmap for 80 Year-old’s, here is my life-situation. I am alone, a widow dedicated to Christ, residing in a beautiful apartment on the Bay of Corpus Christi, Texas.
Retired! This is after 8 years at Holy Apostles College and Seminary in Connecticut, where I taught philosophy and saw a hundred people every day at the 3 meals provided in the cafeteria.
I retired just before my 80th birthday. I would surely, finally, become a true contemplative and even, if God so willed, a Catholic mystic, levitating to the ceiling of the Church.
Instead, after a year and a half of living alone, even though Jesus speaks to me in my heart, I find myself lonely and restless. “Me, myself, and I” are not my favorite human company!
Every day I go to Holy Mass, spend an hour in silent prayer, love to recite the rosary, read the Liturgy of the Hours, and chat on my family’s facebook. Some days of each week I volunteer at the parish office, teach a few small groups, visit with my spiritual director, Al Hughes, and other friends. But still there are hours and hours of time with nothing to do!
Why not work on one final book?
Before going on to Al’s introduction, I think it would be good for me to call to mind some of the good “models” I have of 80 year-old’s among my family and friends.
My father, who died in his late 80’s, was still doing writing up to the last 5 years of his life. Ralph De Sola was the author of many books, the most important of which was the standard Abbreviations Dictionary, updated every few years, available in public libraries.
He owned a beautiful house in San Diego, California, with Spanish-American decor and large maps and pictures on the walls. Since he hating seeing relatives and friends fighting over legacies after people’s deaths, he devised this helpful custom. For years before his death, when anyone came to visit he asked them which of the pictures, furniture, and books they wanted the most. Then he appended to these selections the name of the person they would be given to after his death by his executor. It worked. No fights.
When my mother, Helen Winner De Sola, who was separated from my father in their 50’s, turned 80 she had already made a transition from apartment living to a beautiful assisted living apartment building overlooking the Pacific Ocean. But, then, due to greater dementia, she moved into a convalescent home, and finally to a room in our house with a live-in attendant.
Looking back, I realize she is a model for me of prudence in that she saved enough money from various editing jobs and social security to be able to live in such lovely surroundings at the end of her life.
She was also a model of humor and courage. Examples of humor: in the hospital after colon cancer surgery, I came to visit her and tremulously asked her how she felt. “Well, the nurses aren’t very interesting to talk to!” she remarked, characteristic of her being such a conversationalist all her life.
Another I will never forget is my mother in a wheel chair in our living room bumping into the stroller of my grand-daughter.
“How do you like your first grand-daughter?” I asked her.
“We have a lot in common. We’re both bored to death here!”
But the most wonderful part was the last months of her life when she was on a feeding tube. The Medicare group that sent out attendants chose for her a Philippino nurse who had trained under Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s Sisters.
Instead of focusing on my mother’s hygienic needs, she sat by her side all day leading her in childish charismatic songs of a type that before this my mother would have scorned as sentimental drivel. So, I would find them clapping their hands and singing: “Now we’re going to go to our Father’s house where’s there’s joy, joy, joy!”
The aspect of my mother’s ‘80’s that impresses me the most is that even in the last year one could still exhibit the good personality traits that were always there, such as prudence and humor. And, that God could find some absolutely unpredictable way to reach us even on our death-beds.
______________________________
I like to think of the account my old friend, Alice Von Hildebrand, gives of the deathbed of her famous husband, Dietrich Von Hildebrand. “As he lay dying he prayed over and over again, “Christ, bid me come unto Thee!”
It seemed to me so touching that this renowned Catholic philosopher, at the end had only one wish, not to enunciate an unforgettable truth, but to beg our personal Savior to come to him.
My god-mother, Leni Schwarz, was a loving, very helping woman, but also tense and easily upset when frustrated. It was a marvel to me to hear that when she was finally in a convalescent home with no duties, she became radiantly peaceful.
Myself a loving but also very tense, easily irritated woman, I thought that, possibly, I would become finally peaceful when I had nothing to do but pray and praise.
_________________________
Another 80 year old: when I was in my late ‘60’s, after Holy Mass friends used to bring me sometimes to visit this old, old, woman who lived on the same street as the Church. Although pretty much a shut-in, she was always beaming with joy. “She has a grateful heart,” were the words a friend used to explain it!
I find that any day I devote to thanksgiving for every good thing in my life, all the way down to toilet paper, is a day that is joyful.
_____________________
When I was a new convert and age 23, I was brought to see an old dying holy woman. Her name was Marguerite Solbrig. She was the founder of a lay community. I only saw her for 10 minutes. There was a bed with covers and all I could see was the face of this woman. Her large brown eyes were glowing with mingled suffering and joy as she looked at me with love.
I will never forget that look.
Now, at an age closer to hers, I am thinking: We shouldn’t think that our life on earth is over if we can’t do our usual work in the world or in the Church. With one look of love, if we truly live in the depth of the heart of Jesus, we could do something intensely meaningful for another person.
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