More about aging:
I think a lot about types of fragility!
Everyone realizes that if they make it to their ‘70’s and, then, ‘80’s, they are going to be weaker.
My surprise, is that I am not weaker in some ways, but I am fragile in ways I never expected.
I can walk fast on the street, but I can’t stand up without wobbling, unless I use a cane.
I can talk loud.
I can still type (though many typos), and read even faster than before, and do certain puzzles – I just tear out and throw away any types of puzzles I am not good at, especially what they are called Logic puzzles that have nothing to do with philosophical logic!
But, the fragility is different and unexpected. It is a quavery feeling inside my body or my head where I don’t feel competent and strong, but stupid, silly, and weak! This is, of course, compounded by senior moments at a rate of 5 a day.
I hate this feeling! I don’t notice it when I am doing something well such as talking, reading, or doing puzzles, but, since I live alone, these activities don’t take up my whole day!
I try to pray in words such as these: Dear Jesus, if the only way I will become truly humble and meek is by means of such fragility, let it be.
On the other hand, I find a related happy phenomenon. One who always hated house-work because it is so material and I like ideas, now I find that I get amazing joy simply out of accomplishing anything physical successfully. So, my line of self-talk all day goes like this:
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, thank you that I brought the garbage out to the bin in the parking lot; thank you that I made lunch; thank you that I put the dishes in the dish-washer. Sometimes I sing as I go, following the lead of Mrs. Doubtfire, of movie fame.
I think a lot about types of fragility!
Everyone realizes that if they make it to their ‘70’s and, then, ‘80’s, they are going to be weaker.
My surprise, is that I am not weaker in some ways, but I am fragile in ways I never expected.
I can walk fast on the street, but I can’t stand up without wobbling, unless I use a cane.
I can talk loud.
I can still type (though many typos), and read even faster than before, and do certain puzzles – I just tear out and throw away any types of puzzles I am not good at, especially what they are called Logic puzzles that have nothing to do with philosophical logic!
But, the fragility is different and unexpected. It is a quavery feeling inside my body or my head where I don’t feel competent and strong, but stupid, silly, and weak! This is, of course, compounded by senior moments at a rate of 5 a day.
I hate this feeling! I don’t notice it when I am doing something well such as talking, reading, or doing puzzles, but, since I live alone, these activities don’t take up my whole day!
I try to pray in words such as these: Dear Jesus, if the only way I will become truly humble and meek is by means of such fragility, let it be.
On the other hand, I find a related happy phenomenon. One who always hated house-work because it is so material and I like ideas, now I find that I get amazing joy simply out of accomplishing anything physical successfully. So, my line of self-talk all day goes like this:
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, thank you that I brought the garbage out to the bin in the parking lot; thank you that I made lunch; thank you that I put the dishes in the dish-washer. Sometimes I sing as I go, following the lead of Mrs. Doubtfire, of movie fame.
Now the big news is that I have decided I am too old to live alone. When I started a year and a half ago, I had the fantasy that living alone would mean so much more time for prayer that I would be levitating on the ceiling. Instead I just feel lonely. But, also, my spiritual director agrees that it is good for 80 plus people to be with family.
My refuge place will be my grand-daughter’s new house rental in Hot Springs, Arkansas, where Sean just got a job teaching geology. They are looking for a rental that has a mother-in-law suite. So in exchange for a big chunk of my pension and social security, they will get me to daily Mass, keep my quarters at 78 degrees, and feed me delicious gourmet healthy meals. I will do the dishes, baby-sit, and pray constantly, plus, of course, utter sage sayings 12 hours a day!
Those of you who know me personally know that I am not the easiest person to live with, so you could pray that Jenny and Sean will be able to stand me in spite of personality conflicts.
For those who don’t know them, go to goodbooksmedia.com and click on Still a Catholic and read their miraculous story of Sean Hurt’s conversion and Jenny’s reversion to the Catholic faith.
Now, here is one of my fantasies for this time that will begin in August. Suppose that without my usual book-writing, teaching, and workshop projects, I will mostly be just trying to be an instrument of love, responding lovingly to everything that presents itself? PRAY FOR ME!!!!!
My last writing project is this blog, so you will still relate to Ronda the Blogger. And anyone who wants to e-mail me, it will still be [email protected] since I never figured out how to respond to posts on the blog. The easy method is too costly I am informed. I am also on WCAT radio on a show called RondaView – click on WCAT Radio and click on Programs and see Sundays 4 PM Central. It also archives older shows for listening any time.
My refuge place will be my grand-daughter’s new house rental in Hot Springs, Arkansas, where Sean just got a job teaching geology. They are looking for a rental that has a mother-in-law suite. So in exchange for a big chunk of my pension and social security, they will get me to daily Mass, keep my quarters at 78 degrees, and feed me delicious gourmet healthy meals. I will do the dishes, baby-sit, and pray constantly, plus, of course, utter sage sayings 12 hours a day!
Those of you who know me personally know that I am not the easiest person to live with, so you could pray that Jenny and Sean will be able to stand me in spite of personality conflicts.
For those who don’t know them, go to goodbooksmedia.com and click on Still a Catholic and read their miraculous story of Sean Hurt’s conversion and Jenny’s reversion to the Catholic faith.
Now, here is one of my fantasies for this time that will begin in August. Suppose that without my usual book-writing, teaching, and workshop projects, I will mostly be just trying to be an instrument of love, responding lovingly to everything that presents itself? PRAY FOR ME!!!!!
My last writing project is this blog, so you will still relate to Ronda the Blogger. And anyone who wants to e-mail me, it will still be [email protected] since I never figured out how to respond to posts on the blog. The easy method is too costly I am informed. I am also on WCAT radio on a show called RondaView – click on WCAT Radio and click on Programs and see Sundays 4 PM Central. It also archives older shows for listening any time.
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